The Last Laugh
by elizawhat
Summary: Harley Quinn has long put up with boyfriend and accomplice Joker's abusive treatment. When he finally pushes her over the edge, she cooks up a plot to embarrass him in the only way that will really rattle him. But will it be enough?


The Gotham Savings alarm bleated halfheartedly, as if someone had dropped it a few times before installing it. The dazed security guard watched from his spot on the floor with blurry vision as the team that had broken in shoved money into large black duffel bags.

"Do ya think the cops are still comin', J?" A tall, dark figure that sort of resembled a woman picked up two very full duffel bags. She had taken off the strange hat she wore when breaking in, and the guard thought that she might have had long, wavy blond hair. He moaned and shivered as he tried again to reach the gun that lay a taunting three feet from his hand.

"Shut up!" The man with the blond practically spit at her. "Just get the money in the bags so we can get out of here."

From what the guard could tell, the man wore a suit. He thought that he might have green hair, but that was ridiculous. Only punks and sceneagers -- as his college aged daughter called them -- dyed their hair. The woman had shot him right beneath the ribs before he even saw them coming. After that, the man had whipped him in the back of the head with the butt of the gun. Everything between then and now was hazy. The guard's badge read PATRICK NEILSON, and he had started tonight's shift as a guy new on the job, fresh out of the police academy but unable to get a job at the Gotham Police Department. He had thought the guard job would be easy. Fate had thought otherwise.

"J, these are heavy!"

Patrick turned his head slightly to see the blond struggling to pick up the now even fuller duffel bags.

"You dumb slut," the man grumbled. He picked up all four duffel bags and started toward the hole they had blasted in the bank's front wall. The alarm continued to sound, bleating pitifully over and over and over in the guard's ear, lulling him to sleep. His fingers twitched as he tried to reach the gun again.

"Oh no ya don't," the woman said. She bent over him, and her hair brushed against the guard's face. This close to her, he could clearly see the white makeup covering her face and the black mask around her eyes. She wore a half black, half red suit.

He laughed. "I thought you were a myth," he said. "Just something for publicity." His accent was laced with Georgia twang.

"So you've heard of me!" She clasped her hands and did a little jump. "Hey, puddin', we're celebrities in the deep South!"

The man rushed back in, still carrying all four bags. "Do you not hear the sirens? What the hell are you doing?" He dropped the bags behind her and picked up the guard's gun.

"No, please, please, don't!" The guard tried to shield his face with his arms but they wouldn't move. His throat felt tight, as if it were closing up. Cold sweat broke out on his back, under his arms, and at the nape of his neck. "Please, no," he choked. His face had turned an interesting shade of purple that matched the suit the man wore.

The Joker laughed and pulled the trigger.

"Now let's fucking move!" He grabbed Harley's arm hard enough to bruise and dragged her toward the bags. "Carry two of these, and I don't wanna hear that 'they're too heavy'!"

She yanked the bag's handles up and managed to drag the bags with her, falling quickly behind the Joker.

"Hurry up!" He threw his bags into the back of the van he had secured for the heist and jumped in behind the wheel. "Bus is leaving," he sang out.

Harley halted at the back of the van. The doors stood open, waiting for her to lift her duffel bags into the back with the others. She let go of one set of handles and tugged hard at one bag. "I can't get it!"

The sirens drew closer and closer, becoming deafening.

"Hurry up," Joker yelled between gritted teeth.

She pulled one last time. "I can't do it," she said softly. A black car marked GPD in bright yellow letters came flying around the corner. She slammed the back doors shut and skipped to the passenger side. Joker threw the van into drive and sped away, leaving the scent of burnt rubber behind him.

* * * * *

The van slid smoothly into the abandoned body shop they had been staying in. Joker closed the garage doors with the press of a button and jumped out of the van.

"Harley, I couldn't be prouder!" He bounced to the passenger's side and opened her door.

She sat in her seat, her hat in her lap.

"Well, are ya gonna get out? We've got counting to do."

She rubbed her nose and wrung the hat. "I'm sorry, puddin'," she said softly.

"Sorry for what?" He leaned into the van, his face just inches from hers. She could smell the sweat from the heist, could feel his hot breath on her face.

"Baby, I didn't get the bags in."

"What did you just say?" He turned on his heels hard enough to make holes in the bottom of his dress shoes and stalked toward the back of the van. He threw the doors open, possibly breaking the hinges, and let out a not very human sounding howl of rage. Harley shrunk in her seat.

He jumped into the back of the van and seized a handful of her hair, pulling her out of her seat and into the back of the van. He slammed her against the wall and wrapped two large, cold hands around her throat. "You stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid bitch," he said, slamming her head against the metal of the interior. "You stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid bitch."

* * * * *

The world slowly came into view. It was like watching The Wizard of Oz, only slowed way down. First, everything was black. It began to brighten, slowly, everything coming into grey focus. There was a steady beep, beep. Things became brighter, brighter, little bits of color bleeding into things. There were nooks in the ceiling. The beep, beep got a little louder. There was a pinch in her arm, and her throat was very, very sore. Her head began to scream. Then she began to scream.

A stream of nurses flowed quickly into the room, checking her vitals and hovering over her. "She's stable," someone yelled. "Her blood pressure is fine," someone else yelled. "I think she's panicking," said a third voice.

She kept screaming, until the scream cut off. She tried to scream some more, but her voice refused to come up out of the small hole it had decided to hide in. She began to claw at the IV in her arm, trying to pull it out. They couldn't have her, they just couldn't! Not like this.

More people flew into the room. They pinned her down while still more people began to cuff her wrists and ankles to the bed. She kicked and kicked, but they were stronger. Someone said something about a sedative, and she began to scream again.

Calm hit her like a bullet. She stopped screaming and stared blankly at the nurses staring down at her.

"Miss, can you hear me?" A man asked. He had to be a doctor; he wore a long white coat.

She pretended that he hadn't said anything.

"Do we know who she is?" He asked one of the nurses.

The nurse, a woman with brown hair cropped to just above her chin, shook her head. "All we know is that Batman found her, in a dumpster outside of an old body shop, wearing just a pair of heavy work coveralls."

"I can't believe a human could do this," the doctor said.

"There's no evidence of sexual trauma," the nurse replied.

"That doesn't make it any better. Look at her throat. Christ, look at the back of her head! All of the MRI's came back fine, but I'll be damned if she ever talks again."

A second nurse readjusted the IV in Harley's arm. "She's going to be pissed when she sees that we had to shave her head. A whole clump missing," she said, and snorted. "I'm so glad that ain't me."

The doctor looked at her. "Thank you, Diane. You can go back to your station now."

The room began to waver as the tranquilizer really set in. Harley squeezed her eyes shut. _He_ had dumped her in the trash, left her for dead or for prison. _He_ had made her lose the beautiful hair it had taken her years to grow. _He_ had taken off, with the money.

_He_ would have to be made to feel the way she felt now: broken, worthless, angry.

And she knew just how to make that happen.


End file.
